Q: What's the longest word in the English language?
A: Smiles. (Because there's a mile between the first and the last letter.)

A: What is the word that everybody always says wrong?
B: "Wrong".


Q: What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?
A: Short


A: What's the longest word in the dictionary?
B; Rubber-band -- because it streches.


Q. How many seconds are there in one year?
A. Twelve. January second, February second, March second...

Q. What two days of the week start with the letter "T"?
A. Tuesday and Thursday? NO, today and tomorrow!

Q: What did the doughnut say to the loaf of bread?
A: If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn't be hanging around this hole.


Q: Why did the pony have a sore throat?
A: Because it was a little horse. (hoarse)

Q: What did the undertaker die of?
A: Coughin' (coffin)

Q: Why can't a nose be twelve inches?
A: Because then it would be a foot.

Q: How do porcupines kiss each other?
A: Very carefully.

Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck.

Q: What has teeth but can't bite?
A: A Comb.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.

Q. Why did the turkey cross the road?
A. Because the chicken was on vacation.

Q. Why did the baby cross the road?
A. Because it was stapled to the chicken.

Q: Why did the germ cross the microscope?
A: To get to the other slide!


A: Why did the chewing-gum cross the road?
B: Because it was stuck to the chickens foot.


Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To show the possum it could be done.


Q: Why do people call their own language their mother tongue?
A: Because their fathers seldom get a chance to use it.
NOTE: For this to be funny, students need to understand that in many cultures women have the image of speaking so much that their husbands seldom have a chance to say anything.

Q: A big moron and a little moron are walking across a bridge when the big moron falls off. Why didn't the little moron fall off?
A: He was a little more on.

Q: Name one eight letter word that has kst in the middle, in the beginning, and at the end.
A: "Inkstand", "in" is at the beginning, "kst" is in the middle, and "and" is at the end.


Q: When does a dialect become a language?
A: When its speakers get an army and a navy.

Q: What is a Honeymoon Salad?
A: Lettuce alone without any dressing.

Q: Why is it impossible to starve in the desert?
A: Because of all the sandwiches (sand which is) there.


Q: Why don't sharks eat clowns?
A: Because they taste funny.


Q: What would the pig say when its tailed was held tight by the farmer who had a sharp knife in his other hand?
A: "That's the end of me!"


Q: Do you know where people send a horse when it is sick?
A: To a horsepital.
Q: What did the doctor say when the invisible man called to make an appointment?
A: Tell him I can't see him today.


Q: Which 'BUS' could cross the ocean?
A: Columbus!


Q: What a bee says when it gets in the hive?
A: Hi Honey! I'm home!


Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a nut !


A: Why did the boy balloon chase the girl balloon?
Q: Because he wanted to see her bust!