teacher's Riddles

[aGHaGHia]

This riddle may be used when teaching a lesson on occupations.
Q: What's the difference between a TEACHER and a CONDUCTOR ?
A: A teacher TRAINS the MIND and a conductor MINDS the TRAIN.

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Q: What part of your body disappears when you stand up?
A: Your lap. (good for phrasal 'stand up', and 'laptop', lap-dog, etc.)

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Q: What do you call a witch at the beach?
A: A sandwich.

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Q: Why did the trafic signal turn red?
A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street.

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Q: What's the difference between a lion with toothache and a wet day?
A: One's roaring with pain the other's pouring with rain

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Q: Why are baseball stadiums so cool?
A: There is a fan in every seat.

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My Spanish-speaking students got a kick out of this one.
Q: What do you call a person who speaks 3 languages?
A: (Try to elicit responses..) Tri-Lingual.
Q: What do you call a person who speaks two languages?
A: (Many of them know this one) Bi-Lingual.
Q: What do you call a person who speaks one language?
A: An American!

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Q: What do you call a fish without an eye?
A: Fsh.
(Hint: No "eye" = No "i")

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Q: What has thirteen hearts but no body and no soul?
A: A pack of playing cards.
Q: What do you call a fish that only cares about himself?
A: Selfish.

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Q: Why couldn't Mozart find his teacher?
A: Because the teacher was Hayden.
(Hayden --> Hidin' --> Hiding)

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Q. What's a minimum?
A. A very small mother!
(mini-mom)

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Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?
A: Because it's two-tired (too tired)

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Q: What do you get if you cross a pig with a karate fighter?
A: Pork chops.

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Q: What's got a head and a tail, but no body?
A: A coin.
Q: What's got a wave but no sea?
A: My hair.

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Q: What has three feet but no legs or arms?
A: A yard.

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Q: Where does a boxer who weighs 135 kilograms sit on a bus?
A: Wherever he wants to.

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What makes "oom" and gives milk?
A cow walking backwards.

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Q: What does a man say when he walks into a bar?
A: Ouch!

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Q: Where does Dracula stay when he goes to New York City?
A: The Vampire State building.
Q: What do cows like to read?
A: The mooooospaper
Q: What is the longest word?
A: Smiles, because there is a mile between the first and last s.