Q: Why do cows have bells?
A: Because their horns don't work.


This one may be difficult for some ESL students since it requires knowing the words "seagul", "bay" and "bagel"
Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
A: Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels!


Q: What's the difference between a trampoline and an English textbook?
A: You take off your shoes before jumping on a trampoline.

Q: How do you get ten English teachers to agree on the best teaching method?
A: Shoot nine of them.
(Use as an example of the insult variety of jokes.)

Q: Why were the little drops of ink crying?
A: Their mother was in the pen and they did not know how long her sentence would be.



Q: How many sheep does it take to make one wool sweater?
A: I didn't even know sheep could knit!
Q: What's a teacher's favorite nation?
A: Expla-nation.
Q: What's the most colorful state of U.S.A.?
A: Color-ado.


Q: In what state does it cost the most to live in?
A: Expennsylvania.


Q: What did the cannibal who was late for dinner get?
A: The cold shoulder.


A Christmas time joke for grammar classes:
Q: What do you call Santa's helpers?
A: Subordinate Clauses.


Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: Why bother, he won't come anyway.

Q: How do you top a car?
A: Tep on the brake, tupid!


Q: Is there a word in the English language that uses all the vowels including "y" ?
A: Unquestionablely!


Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A: Because it's too far to walk.

Vocabulary Quiz:
Q: What is the longest word in the English language?
A: Smiles. (There is a mile between the first letter and the last letter.)
Information Quiz:
Q: What is the tallest building in our town?
A: The library. (It has the most stories.)


Q: If you are Russian before you enter the bathroom and Finnish after you leave the bathroom, what are you when you are in the bathroom?
A: European. (You're a-peein'.)


This riddle may be good for high-level science majors.
Q: What do you call a test tube that graduates from high school?
A: A graduated cylinder


Here is a good riddle to demonstrate the battle-between-the-sexes kind of jokes.

Q: Why did God create the man before he created the woman?
A1: The answer that men give: To give him the chance to enjoy Heaven on Earth for a few moments.
A2: The answer that women give: Everyone makes a draft first!


Q: How did Jonah feel after he got swallowed by a fish?
A: Down in the mouth.
Q: What did the monk say to the hotdog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything.


Maybe only appropriate for more mature students.
Q: What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
A: Dam!


Q: A man was locked in a room with only a bed, a calendar, and a piano. How did he drink, how did he eat, and how did he get out? Another man was locked in a room with only a mirror and a table. How did he get out? A third man was locked in an empty room. How did he escape?
A: The first man drank from the springs of the bed, ate the dates off the calendar and played the piano until he found the right key, which he used to unlock the door. The second man looked in the mirror to see what he saw. Then he took the saw and cut the table in half. Next, he put the two halves together to make a whole. Finally, he crawled out through the hole. The third man broke out with the measles.


Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick!


Teacher: How can we get some clean water?
Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it.